Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
MPAA Rating: RIn Theaters: January 25th, 2013
Runtime: 1 hour 28 minutes (88 minutes)
Rated R for strong fantasy horror violence and gore, brief sexuality/nudity and language.
Eighty-eight
Minutes
Of
Trash.
Audience Ratings for Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
Plot Summary
After getting a taste for blood as children, Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) have become the ultimate vigilantes, hell-bent on retribution. Now, unbeknownst to them, Hansel and Gretel have become the hunted, and must face an evil far greater than witches... their past.
Critics Reviews for Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
5 Critics like this movie.
Reviews Counted: 19 | Positive Review: 1 | Negative Review: 18 | Average Rating: 1.6/5If this long-delayed and blatantly pandering CGI malarkey is anything to go by, Hollywood's current craze for fairy tales isn't going to have a happy ending.
There isn't much to this beyond the poorly staged, rapidly edited violence; the witches, all but devoid of backstory, are basically canvasses for cartoon splatter.
The movie settles for showers of gore with intermittent moments of spoofiness.
Critic Score: 1/4
The whole kidding trope, which you can bet was ordered by McKay and Ferrell, is pretty lame, and defeats the leads' attempts to bring shadings to cardboard cartoon characters.
At least it puts forth a sound message: Kids, avoid overdoing it on sweets -- especially candy that doubles as drywall.
Critic Score: 1/4
Eighty-eight minutes of trash.
I doubt that they had Strike Anywhere matches in the 14th century, and I'm pretty sure nobody said things like "Whatever happens, stay cool."
Critic Score: 1/4
What on Earth are Renner and Arterton doing in this godforsaken thing?
Wirkola tears through "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" with such giddy abandon, it ends up being splattery fanboy fun. Preposterous, clearly, but fun.
Critic Score: 3/4
For all the perspiration in jazzing up an old yarn, there's not a whiff of originality in how Wirkola engages with the perverse pleasures enshrined by the Grimm brothers, two of their era's shrewdest storytellers.
Critic Score: 1.5/5
There isn't much swashbuckling chemistry between Mr. Renner and Ms. Arterton, and the script doesn't give them enough of the witty lines that can elevate these types of movies to must-see status ...
Critic Score: 2/5
A rarely funny spoof that's heavy on bone-crushing and blood-gushing.
Critic Score: 1.5/4
The movie has been sitting on the shelf for a while, and like, say, a house of candy you might find in the woods, it's gotten a bit stale.
Critic Score: C-
This may be the longest 90 minutes you ever spend in a theater. You've been warned.
Critic Score: 0/4
Even if he's slumming, Renner gets it best: his dry delivery fully acknowledges the movie's ridiculousness. If you're planning on entering this fractured fairy tale, you'll want to follow his lead.
Critic Score: 2/5
While the film rarely provokes any strenuous eye-rolling, it also can't drum up even the slightest interest in the fate of its characters, let alone suspense.
The film isn't funny enough for comedy or scary enough for horror, and the anachronisms are ludicrous.
Critic Score: 1.5/4
Lots of anachronisms and tongue-in-cheek dialogue establish the spoofy nature of this violent venture. All that's missing is a genuine sense of wit.
An exceedingly dull and stillborn attempt to update the Brothers Grimm.
Critic Score: 0/4
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Credits
©2013 Paramount Pictures/MGM
